


satisfaction

by haileylikestowrite



Series: curiosity killed the cat [1]
Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Blood, Brooke and Christine are just mentioned, Death, Drug Use, F/F, F/M, Gen, Horror, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Insanity, M/M, Mental Illness, Multi, Prostitution, Rape/Non-con Elements, Self-Harm, Violence, big horror, i’m sorry george salazar, my spelling errors are on purpose, please don't read if you're faint of heart, repetition is on purpose, this is actually worse than checkmate's plot, this whole thing spiraled after hailey heard a song for the first time and went crazy!, we are actually fucked up for thinking this up
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-03
Updated: 2019-03-12
Packaged: 2019-11-08 09:10:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,443
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17978477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/haileylikestowrite/pseuds/haileylikestowrite
Summary: slowly going insane





	1. Journal Entry 82

**Author's Note:**

> if you think checkmate is bad (if you haven't read it, check it out), then you're in for one hell of a surprise. if you get queazy quickly, i don't think you should read this. be warned now.

**Journal Entry 82, Day 89, Injection 90, Kills 445**

 

_One day, I WILL KILL Dustin Kropp._

I don’t mean to overexaggerate, but I fucking hate that guy. It’s his fault we are here, it’s his fault that I lost Jeremy. So, when I see him, I’m fukcing killing him. I will make sure it’s the most brutal death I can come up with. I’ll make sure it last a long time too. He doesn’t deserve a quick death, that’s too nice. I refuse to give Dustin Kropp that blesssing. I want it to be long and painful, unlike the other 445 murders I’ve committted that have been quick and easy. I refuse to give Dustin Kropp that blessing. I fucking hate that guy.

I'm stilll not sure what we are injecting ourselves with, but the man (or woman, I’m not too sure anymore) with the horse head tells uss that we have to do it. It’s best to do as the minions say. I saw what happened to someone who didn’t obay them once, and it wasn’t pretty. Madeline threw up. If I ever make it back to the Real Reality, I don’t think I will be going around horses ever again. It doesn't matter if horses in the Real Reality do not eat flesh and bones, I’ve seen them do it here, and it’s fucking horrifyying. It’s best to do whaat the minions say. The man (or woman, I can’t really tell) with the horse head is fucking terrifying.

Madeline is back to scrattching herself. I think I need to put her in mittons, she’s making herself bleed. She begs me to kill her, but I tell her no. It’s almost like Madeline was never the pretty popular girl with an attittude. That person doesn’t exist anymore. I understand, being forced to have sex with at _least_ eight peeople a night for over aal hundred nights can take a toll on someone. I tthink I need to put her in mittens. I miss her smart ass comments, too be honest. I never thought I would. However, I would definitely take an insult to my outfit instead of seeing the bruises on her body. She begs me to kill her, but I tell her no.

  
Jake won’t move from the cornor. I told him that he needs to start fighting bacl, but he won’t move. He’s been here for almost four years, so I think he’s given up. He’s been throwing up a lot, too. Jake needs to eat more. I’m worried about him the most, since he has been here the longest. He wont move. I remember when he was just the fun-loving football star, but looking at him now I wonder if any of that is a real memory. Jake needs to eat more. Jake won’t move from the corner.

  
Still, I have no cluee what Jeremy’s role in the gamee is. I still don’t know where he is. I haven’t seen him since we got traapped here, but he was never arround when we used to be able to switch between the realities. I hhave no clue what Jereremy’s role in the game is, and sincece we aren’t alllowed to tallk (or write, I gguess) about anything, he never really told us what happened. I’m not sure I want to know. I’m not sure if he is still alive in this twisted world, but I will find him. I have to. I have to. I havve to. I still donn’t know where he is. What’s his roole? Where is hee? I don’t knoow where hee iss.

One of the people I killed today was from the Real Reality. She looked like she was a freshman, and I don’t think she’s ever been in the Avernus before. I wonder if she went to schoool with me. The girl waas a pretty one, and she was in cloths that resembled what Madeline wheres heere. That probibly means her role was prostitution. I hope she didn’t expierience anything Madeline had to go throough before I kkilled her. I can’t felt guilty, because I saved her from insaniittyy. She was from the Rreal Rreality. I saavveed her from insantity, I know I did. I did. Iknow.  
I still think killing the Mastermind is the way out of Avernus. Maadeelinee and Jaahkee tell me to give up, buut I can’t. We neede out. We nede out. I no I can git us out of heere. A few more dayss, and I’ll find the Mastermiind. I’ll find Jerreemy. I’ll find Jeeremyy. Killing the Mastermind is the only way I can saave my frends. Killing the Mastermind is the only way I can save **_J E R E M Y_**.

-Micahel Mell


	2. Journal Entry 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> who let me write this?

**Journal Entry 10, Day 17, Injection 18, Kills 85**

 

We haven’t figured it out yet. Seventeen days trapped in the psychotic version of a reality that no normal person could dream of up. No nightmare could ever compare to the hell that this place displays. We’ve been here for over seventeen days and it still feels like it’s a dream. Maybe this is some type of… astral projection that we are trapped in? God, I wish I was listening when Christine was talking about that stuff. I miss her rambling, which is something I would never admit before being trapped her. Funny, how people can change, huh?

We still haven’t found Jeremy yet. Jake thinks he is dead, but I’m sure he’s only being pessimistic. I mean… four years in this place? It’s bound to ruin you. Madeline was happy to see him when we found him in the beginning. She missed her cousin, and I missed my best friend. I remember when we were kids (which feels like a lifetime ago), we would bake cookies at Madeline’s house with Kidz Bop playing in the background. Madeline always had an attitude like that.

I can’t exactly figure out what is going on, but I have decided that it’s best for us to stay in the hideout during the day. The days are the worst here. It’s only slightly brighter than it is when it’s dark, but the weather changes so quickly it’s dangerous. Nothing about this place is normal, but I think we’ve all known this from the beginning. The injections they put in us… it’s odd. Everyone has a different one I think. I’ll update when I figure it out. 

I’ve been thinking a lot about home for the last few hours. I’m trying not to get too personal with this journal since it’s supposed to be about survival, but if I bring up home to Madeline or Jake they freak out. I wonder is what is going on at home. I hope Christine and Brooke are okay. Madeline misses Brooke a lot, and Jake hasn’t seen Christine in four years. Too bad I don’t have a picture to show Jake… I think it could lift his spirits a bit. We talk about them a lot. Madeline always smiles when we talk about Brooke. Jake looks relieved to hear the many stories we have of Christine, but I think he is a little jealous he couldn’t experience it himself.

I don’t sleep very much. Madeline and Jake sleep during the day and I stay awake as a lookout. Madeline usually falls asleep with her head in my lap. She’s a mess right now, and a big one at that. Back at home, she was the Queen Bee… I don’t know who she is now. Madeline won’t even brush her hair, I have to do it for her. Jake… I don’t know about him. He’s just so broken. No one at home would believe me if I showed them this version of Jake Dillinger. 

I think the only reason I do lookout is in hopes that Jeremy shows up somewhere. I just need something to tell me he’s okay. Some type of sign, I don’t care what. He’s the only thing I can think of. What if he isn’t safe? What if he is, in fact, dead? I really shouldn’t think like that. I’m just so worried. I ~~love him~~ am so worried about him.

The best thing to those stuck in this world is to not have too much hope. The universe here wants you to be hopeful so it can tear you down. Have control of your emotions. Those who kill, the ones like me, feed off your weakness. If you are here with someone you know, be wary of them as well. Maybe that is why I can’t sleep… I can’t even trust the two people I grew up with.

 

-Michael Mell

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> isn't this... such a mess? anyway, i hope you like enjoy it! send me a message on discord? daddy issues#2546 ! or message me on tumblr @haileylikestowrite !! -hailey

**Author's Note:**

> i know that the spelling errors and repetition are annoying (trust me, i'm the one who had to write them in. i think there is about 61 of them?), but bear with me. the diction and such is really important to the plotline. it'll all make sense at some point. maybe. make sure to check out our other works!


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